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Illustration by Alex Siklos
Confession. I’ve had a crush on Ted Danson since he stood behind the bar on the TV show Cheers. And I swooned again over him again in the 1987 film, Three Men and a Baby. My husband once saw him in an airport lounge, and it’s a good thing I wasn’t with him for the sake of my dignity and Ted’s privacy.
It’s Danson’s latest role on the Netflix series A Man on the Inside that has him back in the spotlight. I’m happy for him but I’m mostly thrilled that show shines a positive light on retirement homes, that they can be happy, vibrant places where all sorts of life takes place.
A Man on the Inside is set at an assisted living home where a private investigator hopes to solve a theft. Danson – 77 in real life – plays a newly widowed retiree who lives in his own home. He answers a help-wanted ad to become a “man on the inside” for the private investigator.
My parents live in a retirement home that could easily stand in for the fictional, fancy Pacific View (minus the San Francisco setting and thefts). Contrary to popular opinion (particularly after the bad rap retirement homes earned during the pandemic), places like this are not complete fiction. Senior living options are not all depressing, understaffed and unclean.
When I mentioned to a friend that my 87- and 88-year-old parents had moved into a retirement home a few years ago, the response was: “Kicking and screaming?”
Are you kidding? They were running and jumping. For joy, right into their two-bedroom suite. Their residence fees includes healthy, gourmet-driven meals, a pool, a fitness centre, hair salon, nail salon, theatre, private dining rooms, activities, field trips and more. “We feel like we’ve moved into a country club,” my mother said, “And I never have to cook again.”
Yes, their new home is expensive and they could blow through their life savings (a.k.a., my inheritance) if they are fortunate enough to live for another 10 or 20 years. And I hope they do. They worked hard and saved just as hard to be able to afford it.
“They want to keep us alive for as long as possible to soak every cent out of us,” laughs my dad. I don’t think he’s entirely wrong. The flip side of that coin is that the retirement home staff have the expertise and the facilities to keep them alive longer and more comfortably, than if they had stayed in their own home.
My mother still goes out for lunch once a month with her girlfriends. She hasn’t given up her life on the outside – she attends art classes and goes shopping, attends church occasionally – but she has enhanced it with her new friends in her new home.
My dad is slowing down, which is why it’s wonderful that the retirement home’s doctor will make in-suite visits. And he can be at the head of the table for family dinners hosted in their home’s private dining room. No one has to cook, no one has to clean, and we can order what we want (a great thing when half our family is vegan).
Everything is there for them. And most importantly, everyone is there for them.
Like many in their age group, my parents found they were losing friends, and their active social life was all but decimated during pandemic lockdowns. Moving into the retirement home meant that they could restart a social life, while many of their contemporaries were living alone and feeling lonely.
It’s hard to be lonely in an assisted living or retirement home where you are encouraged to join groups, eat together, laugh together and mourn together. Getting used to the deaths of friends and family members is something that is better faced in a group setting, and in a place where professionals are on hand.
Many seniors will make the choice to “age in place” in their own homes. There are many reasons to do so, but – based on how my parents’ have thrived in their new home – I hope that A Man on the Inside has more people investigating retirement homes and senior living residences as a viable, and potentially more comfortable option in their later years.
My parents started researching where to go before their predicted and desired move date. They went to information sessions, attended residence events and toured homes to get a sense of the culture and fit. Since there were wait lists at most residences, they put a plan together before the need to move was critical (due to health reasons).
Netflix just announced Season 2 for A Man on the Inside, and I can’t wait. If only I could figure out a way to get Ted Danson filming a scene in my parents’ home.
Kathy Buckworth lives in Mississauga, Ont.